I'm not sure if this is supposed to be some sick, Brazil-inspired joke, but the "thought leaders" at Ad Labs raided the Half Bakery to come up with ten "half-baked" advertising ideas that they hope to see in the future. Ad Labs calls them "brilliant"; I call them scary, and not good scary. Let's hope we don't see them anytime soon, for everyone's sake. Read on for a deep trip into a possible ad nightmare.

The ten ideas (and my responses):

1. Advertishoes: Shoes that leave ad messages in ink wherever you go. (Talk about polluting the world with both garbage in the form of ink and unnecessary and unwanted ad messages. This idea falls under the rubric of misguided ad men wanting everyone be fed more ad messages. Boo!)

2. X-ray visible ads: Ads printed in magazines and on products with ink that shines brightly when put through an x-ray screening machine at the airport. (Those poor, overweight TSA security guards. As if they don't have enough on their plates, their jobs become a place where they are constantly being served random, irrelevant ad messages. It's like working at a computer with pop up ads cluttering your screen every two minutes. Hate it.)

3. Ads on "loading" status bars: When you're waiting for a website to load, ad messages flash across the screen as you watch the counter climb to 100%. (This idea is annoying, but harmless. More clutter, but who actually watches that status bar load?)

4. Skyscrapers as smoke jet printers: Skyscrapers have smoke jets built on their rooves; the wind is like the moving paper and the smoke is like the ink. (Is there not one spot on the face of the earth—or above it—that is sacred? Don't you realize, ad-assholes, that there are some places that if people see messages there, they will get angry at the brand that is visually polluting their environment rather than support it?!)

5. Rainbow advertising: Using droplets of water suspended in the air plus light to create ad messages. (This has the potential to turn into an art form. And brands can and should help build and inspire that art. But to use that form to deliver messages is like a brand vandalizing urban walls with graffiti—and doing it wrong.)

6. Books reprinted with sponsored typeface: Imagine every capitol "m" in Philip Roth's American Pastoral printed in the style of the McDonald's arch. (This idea almost made me vomit all over myself when I read it. If this comes to pass, I vow to start a guerrilla resistance group to its execution; our methods will be violent, retributive and widespread.)

7. Ads on fake phone numbers in movies: Instead of "555" number, why not a real number to a real business? (This is one of three ideas on this list that I don't completely hate. I actually like this one. When an audience sees "555-1234" in a movie instead of a real phone number, it takes the audience out of the movie. Suspension of disbelief is itself suspended. I think that brands could actually add to the atmosphere of a film by becoming a part of it through authentic phone numbers. If the main character needs to call a plumbing service for some reason, why not make it the number for Roto Rooter? If it's the cell phone number of the female lead and the male lead has just gotten it in a romantic comedy, I could foresee a dating service acquiring that number, putting real, relevant movie content onto a voice mail attached to that number and really add to the narrative.)

8. Logo clouds: Build a lake in the shape of your logo so that clouds in that shape form on clear days. (Obviously, this is completely abhorrent to me. This goes along with the sky-writing and the footprint-making. Luckily, it's an expensive idea that might not work, and we all know how much brand marketers love to take chances.)

9. "Please call me" list: The opposite of the "do not call" list; people opt-in to getting telemarketed to. (I don't completely hate this idea either. It's opt-in and perhaps could be tailored toward people to give them targeted messages. At the same time, this has already been happening on the Internet for years. But, if telemarketing is to survive, perhaps this is the form that it survives in. P.S. Would you sign up for this? I wouldn't.)

10. Spitball billboards: A billboard that was re-masked on a daily or weekly basis with a spitball cannon. A water cannon would erase the spitballs when it was time to serve a new ad. (Though I find this idea very wasteful from an environmental standpoint, I think it or something like it has possibilities. Like digital outdoor signage, the display can be changed quickly and easily, but, unlike outdoor digital signage, it's not ubiquitous and would be easy, possibly attractive to look at. It reminds me of Empire State Building advertising. The building's lights are often sponsored to resemble the color pallate of a sponsor. In this case, the potential for variety and artistic expression is higher.)

For the bad guys' version of this list, click here.